How is your (Internal and External) Listening Shaping your ‘T’?

We grow up picking up or being taught to be strong, to defend our turf and hold our positions physically or in a debate or argument. We are often seen as stronger when we can pull down others’ arguments and strengthen our case. To put it bluntly, we only ‘win’ an argument when we successfully pull down the argument of the other person or the opposition rather than when we win, and they are still standing where they were. In a sense, it is like the zero-sum game, where we only ‘win’ or feel good with ourselves if the other person loses.

Because of this way of thinking, we behave in a conversation or a debate, like the more arguments we pile up just like in a scale, the more we think we will win the arguments. Therefore, we often lose the vital ability to listen to each other and to expand our points of view and thinking. In a very simple way, we do not learn anything from other people when we are talking or advocating our position, rather we would be digging into our position and entrenching our sense of ‘smartness or foolishness’, but we do not learn anything new.